Seven Preferred Facial Expressions of Irish Dancers

Dear ZandB,

With the bans on Wigs, Solo Dresses, False Tans, and Make up, the only things that will set my daughter apart from others are her dancing skills and facial expressions. It will take way too long to improve her technique, so what type of facial expressions are available?

Distraught Feis Mom


Dear Distraught Feis Mom,

Doctor Pooter Bullard of the world renowned Picayune Clinic of Dance Related Personality Disorders (PCDRPD) recently completed extensive research on this subject and categorized seven distinct facial expressions preferred by Irish dancers:

1. The “Deer in the Headlights” look. This panicked expression results from the dancer’s apprehension of being run over by another competitor. They have difficulty in tracking other dancers on stage and often end up in their landing patterns. Judges watch them out of morbid curiosity in order to witness the inevitable “moment of impact”

2. The “Is my orthodontist ever going to remove these stupid braces” look. These dancers are unaware of just how cute they look in braces and develop an unconvincing closed-lip smile to compensate. Judges interpret this as a “false smile” and deduct points under the new rule (see Note 1 below).

3. The “Fly catcher” look. Unaware that their mouths are agape, they take on the look of a basking shark screening the water for plankton. This “look” has a contagious affect on the judge who immediately begins yawning.

4. The ever popular “It’s up there somewhere” look. These dancers were apparently afraid of making eye contact with the judge who usually reciprocates in return.

5. The “Painful grimace” look. This expression is usually interpreted by the judge to mean that the dancer didn’t allow adequate time to make a restroom stop before reporting to the stage. It usually evokes an empathetic expression from the judge, but little sympathy in their scoring.

6. The “Can’t smile and dance at the same time look”. The dancer doesn’t look panicked or pained. They look like they know what they’re doing; they just don’t look like they’re having fun. Adjudicators secretly refer to this as the “missed brownie points” look.

7. The “Feis Eating Grin” look. This infectious expression usually snaps the judge back into consciousness resulting in returned smiles and occasional winks. The dancer interprets these non-verbal cues as signs of approval and “pours it on”, often resulting increased self confidence and scores.

Note 1:
As previously mentioned, An Coimisiún le Rincí Gaelacha (pronounced, An Coimisiún le Rincí Gaelacha) has come out with a new ruling banning false smiles:

- The use of false smiles, counterfeit smirks, or impious grins is prohibited by all dancers whilst in motion. Authentic Gaelic grins are desired. Modest grins are encouraged when the competitor is not dancing. A competitor failing to use genuine grins may be subject to a 5-minute re-smiling period.

- Any competitor found to be using artificial smiling aids and devices and subsequently refuses to remove same, will be subject to disqualification from that particular competition. Medically prescribed smiling apparatus will be exempt from this ruling. The use of rubber chickens is strictly prohibited.