The True and Unexpurgated History of Feis – Part I “The Stage is Set”

In the beginning the world was without Feis and void; darkness was upon the face of the land and the spirit of An Coimisiún le Rinci Gaelacha (the unpronounceable one) did move over the world.

Across the land there was discontent, chaos and the weeping and gnashing of teeth for the people were sore ashamed as they were not of the Feis.

An Coimisiún did hear the cries and lamentations of the people and spake unto them all these words saying:

“Let there be Feis!”

And the word became Feis and Feis was among the people of the land and there was much rejoicing for the people were of the Feis.

And the people of the Feis looked upon the spirit of An Coimisiún and didst ask of him (and/or her), “Tell us, oh great and unpronounceable one, how shalt we Feis?”

And the spirit of An Coimisiún once again spake unto them all these words saying:

“Look unto the families of your kind and make thee a stage of gopher wood and this is the fashion which thou shalt make it of. The length of the stage shall be sixteen cubits, the breadth of it thirteen cubits and thou shalt pitch it within and without with all manner of duct tape for the spirit of An Coimisiún dances within you and abides not a false surface."

And the wives of the people did approach An Coimisiún with grief and anguish in their words saying, “Our husbands are uncouth and without social skills and are loathe to build this stage as you have commanded for their tools and drills are insubstantial and lack power and they are sore ashamed."

And the spirit of An Coimisiún did cajole them with these words saying, “Thou shalt exhort your husbands to go forth to the Home of Depot to procure powerful cordless tools with reversible chucks." And the husbands did go forth as they were bid and returned, grasping their mighty tools and were not ashamed and the wives rejoiced for, even though they were still uncouth, their husbands now had variable speed.

And this was the end of the First Day.

Next week: The Ten Commandments of Feis