Dear ZandB;
I desperately need your help!
My daughter recently switched dance schools for reasons I do not want to address here. I must be absolutely witless because I never heard about that six month ban thing preventing her from competing at a Feis. Now my daughter is going crazy because, well frankly, she needs a Feis hit...bad, and it’s getting worse every week. At first I thought she had it under control but this morning, while cleaning out her room, I found (I’m almost too embarrassed to say this) a cheerleading magazine! Is there any way to help get my daughter back in to competition mode? I don’t think she’ll survive six months without a Feis so I’ll try anything!
Witless Feis Mom.
Dear Witless Feis Mom,
You are not alone.
I get hundreds of letters each year from witless Feis moms like yourself who are totally uninformed about the transfer ban until after their daughter settles in to her new school.
With these “Feis free” weekends, many dancers now have a lot of idle time which can result in developing negative behavior problems like cheerleading or boyfriends.
In a effort to protect dancers from the ravages of “the restyling period” as it is euphemistically called, a secretive group of compassionate Feis Moms, TCRGs and Tanning Salon owners collectively referred to as members of “The Rince Code”, have banded together to create the “Irish Dancer Witless Protection Program”.
Under the “Irish Dancer Witless Protection Program” your daughter will be given a complete new “Irish Dance” identity which will allow her to compete, in a discreet manner, at select out-of-town Feiseanna. She will be loaned a new dance dress, (appropriate to her grade), wig, facial make over and registration credentials for eFeis, FeisWeb, and Feisworx which include the name of fictitious dance school and TCRG.
Transportation to and from the Feis will be provided along with the services of a highly trained and qualified surrogate Feis Mom who will assist your daughter in whatever manner required while still maintaining the “veil of secrecy” required of members participating in the “Irish Dancer Witless Protection Program”.
Your daughter will continue to maintain her current daily routine with her friends, school and family, only assuming her “secret identity” on “Feis Day”. Neither her current or previous TCRGs will be made aware of this situation and your daughter will be free to “Feis as she pleases” during this trying six month period.
Regrettably, because of the secretive nature of this program, no public acknowledgement will be made of any of her competition results and, as such, the dancer will not be able to advance to the next higher grade or participate in major championships as a result of her placements while a member of the program.
The “Irish Dancer Witless Protection Program” has enjoyed an incredible one hundred percent success rate in creating a safe haven for over seventy dancers like your daughter. A member of “The Rince Code” will be contacting you shortly.
ZandB
Friday, August 21, 2009
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6 comments:
Apparently this piece was supposed to be funny. This tongue in cheek "article" is just a small example of the cynical and vindictive attitude I have found on Irish Dance message boards and under-the-breath commentary from petty minded people.
Now, to address this mom's concern. Many dance moms (especially if they are new)are totally in the dark when it comes to virtually every aspect of Irish Dance. Parents pony up the money for tuition every month, pay for the school dress/costume, buy shoes, etc. and dedicate themselves to driving their dancing child(ren) to shows, parades, fundraisers, etc. While I do not speak for all dance schools, the two with which we have been affiliated had teachers who showed up a minute before class, had a policy of no discussions before class with the parents and left like a lightening bolts right after. This leaves very little time for questions. In one school, the teachers all had full-time jobs as teachers themselves and often ignored emails altogether or responded to them very late. These emails were for answers to questions like--where to get a headband for the school dress or directions (sometimes just an address) to a particular show. Getting basic information about Irish Dance, ie. moving up a level, differences between dancing at the prizewinner level and the prelims and prelims to opens are all very mirky. As a seasoned dance mom, I learned about the message boards and was able to glean some information, sidestepping the verbal landmines those board users call responses in the process (I can't bear to be on them for more than a few minutes at a time because of the vitriol spewed at the most unsuspecting questioner--
I term it the Jerry Springer of Irish Dance).
The six month ban, while not pleasant, is put in place to allow the dancer time to perfect steps. I have been told that this ban also protects dance teachers as it prevents dancers/moms from marching away from a dance school any time there is a little disagreement with the teacher(s) or some of the individuals one must deal with within the confines of a particular school--you can't pick your relatives or your dance "neighbors". I wish they would change the applicable term from "suspension" to something like a "waiting period". This would make it sound less punitive.
Now there will be those with nothing better to do then to lamb baste me for this giving this information in an effort to inform new dance moms/dancers. I will risk the vitriol and dispense the information for the sake of those who wish to seek "protection" from people like the writers of the truly "witless" piece posted prior to my post.
God Bless all you new dance moms out there. My advice is to reach out to people who care more about your child and you than about the level your dancer is at currently. And as your dancer climbs the ranks, be the kind of person from whom you have received help and that you would want your dancers to be--a decent, caring individual in our society.
Anonymous, please check the lost-and-found for your sense of humor, which you seem to have misplaced! Do you really not understand that both the question and the response were written by by the very funny ZandB? But we won't lambaste (not lamb baste) you.
Please carry on ZandB. I love your humor!
Aussie anonymous here... do you think that the IDWPP will be extended to areas outside of the USA? Would certainly be interested, although at present the commute from here to there could be a little long. Looking forward to hearing from the Rince Code operatives.
Many thanks to Z&B for yet another wry dose of humour so we can all stop taking ourselves quite so seriously.
It's because six months gives us just about enough time to baste a lamb (or a wiener dog).
Ooh - I love lamb basted wiener dog. My mother in law has two of them.
Dear ZandB!
Having only 2 registered schools in Russia some of us still experience the 6-month restyling.Any chance the Rince Code does 11-hour flights)
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