The Best Part of Waking Up...

Under the diffuse glow of a refrigerator bulb, the two jars above have a similar shape, size, and appearance.

In the early Sunday morning half-light, their contents both appear to have the same texture when spread across a toasted English muffin.

Ahhh....but that’s where the similarities end!

Tiny taste buds on the surface of my tongue are in full alert mode and instantly provide an accurate update regarding the ingredients of the jar. The information is processed by the brain which immediately sends out instructions for the mouth to disengage from whatever the heck it is doing at this wee hour of the morning.

What does it take to be a MAID?

MAID [meyd] abbr. Mother(Mom) Addicted to Irish Dance. - noun: A woman who voluntarily chooses to leave mainstream society renouncing all worldly pursuits in order to devote her life to contemplation of her daughter’s next solo dress.

As a result of several recent confirmed sightings there is a renewed interest within the Irish Dance community to conduct a detailed census to accurately determine the degree to which members of this highly secretive cult have infiltrated the world of mainstream Irish dance.

Once thought to be nearly extinct, this elusive sect has seen nearly exponential growth in recent years with some members openly flaunting their obsession.

“Sure, we knew there were always a couple of them at the Feis,” observed Dr. Pooter Bullard of the world renowned Picayune Clinic of Dance Related Personality Disorders (PCDRPD). “They’d wear their little pink wrist bands and hold secret meetings at the end of the day, but you would never see more than three or four at a sighting.”

“Now there are hundreds of them at every level in Irish dance. We have information from reliable sources that a sizable percentage of them are members of IDTANA or the NAFC,” adding, “heck, we know of a dozen Feiseanna that are chaired by MAIDs!”

Once considered elusive and reticent, many MAIDs are now openly communicating with each other using message boards, internet forums and even creating an extensive network of Web Logs or “Blogs” as they call them!

“Heck, over half the Irish Dance Dressmakers are MAIDs!”

So how can you identify a MAID?

A major study was recently conducted by Boston University which identified several key characteristics common to most members of the MAID community:

Sense of Humor: – 94% of the participants in the study (degree of accuracy +/- 2%) exhibited a highly developed comedic wit as evidenced by spontaneous bouts of laughter when dealing with the more absurd aspects of competitive dance. Droll wit is a highly regarded attribute of this secretive sect.

Control of Family Finances: – 87% of the respondents commented that: “Their husbands would kill them” if they knew how much money was being spent on Irish dance. Several stated that they had created rather advanced money-laundering schemes and accounting practices to hide their expenses.

Tolerance for Accordion Music: – Although 98% of respondents had previously used Accordion Music as a method of birth control, most had developed advanced coping mechanisms for enduring extended periods of exposure to this musical instrument.

Penchant for Public Confession: - MAIDs have raised this characteristic to an art form as evidenced by their willingness to openly and shamelessly seek and offer advice on their addictive behavior in public forums such as Dance.net and message boards.

Patience: – MAIDs are in it for the long run, “Don’t worry Marcie, Bridget will get that second first in Hornpipe, you just wait and see”...seems to sum it up.

Sharing: – The ability to candidly share in the joy, sorrow, triumphs, disappointments, laughter and tears of others is a highly developed trait of this mysterious sect. MAIDs cling closely to each other and maintain highly developed friendships and supportive bonds lasting years.

Probably one of the most shocking outcomes of this study was the fact that, for those reading this, there is a 92% probability that you are a MAID!

A Couple a Few Bumper Stickers for the Road...

The Cost of "Feshing"

School registration fee – 25.00
Class Tuition – 400.00
Ghillies – 40.00
Poodle socks – 8.00
Beginner dance outfit from J.C. Penny – 40.00
“Irish Dancers Kick Butt” shirt –14.00
Irish dance CD – 15.00
Feis Registration Fee – 40.00
Cute little hair “thingy” – 7.00
Replacement Irish Dance CD for the one she left on the school bus – 15.00
Adorable little “I love Irish Dance” bag to haul it all in – 16.00
Feis Program Book cause 40.00 wasn’t reaming you enough – 7.00
Extra pair of Poodle socks at the Feis cause “I thought you put them in the bag” – 8.00
"Goodness, YES! Give me one of those bloomers too! - 11.00
“Why would I need Sock glue?”, “Oh for lands sake, give me some of that too!” – 8.50

Watching her completely forget the steps she’s been practicing for the last eight months and copying those of the dancer next to her from another school with totally different choreography in competition 108, Beginner Light Jig, Under 6 while her TCRG stares at the ceiling – Priceless!

Shoes so practical...

With the Feis season approaching, I picked up a present for my daughter yesterday: a pair of Corrs Hard Shoes.

On the way home, I stopped off at a favorite pub to catch up with a few friends (who apparently live there).

I was showing them the shoes when the waitress walked by and peeked in the box. “They’re for my daughter”, I beamed.

“Oh that’s wonderful”, the waitress replied, adding, “I once thought I’d like to be a nun, but never got the calling”.