A Delicate Problem

Dear ZandB,

This is rather embarrassing, but at last weekend’s Feis my daughter seemed to have an agonizing grimace on her face while dancing. When I asked her if anything was wrong, she tearfully confided in me that she was having problems with an irritable stool. Later that day when I inspected her stool, I discovered it was hard and round and from the size and texture, appeared to be very painful. I don’t know where to turn! Is there anything that can be done to help my daughter? I think she might quit dancing if we can't find relief from painful stools!

Distraught Feis Mom.

Dear Distraught Feis Mom,

I’ve looked at the picture you sent me and I absolutely agree. That does look like a very painful, excruciating, stool and I myself can almost feel your daughter’s agony. Why sitting for hours at a Feis while suffering with a painful, hard stool like that can ruin anyone’s day!

But fear not! There is answer!

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The “Feis It Stool”

Yes, now your daughter can sit comfortably all day without the pain and irritation that hard stools can cause! “Feis It” stools are soft and relaxing and, as you can see from the shape and size, won’t mess up a solo dress or kilt while sitting on it!

If you call today, “Feis It” will send you a stool sample for you to examine in the privacy of your own home for thirty days, absolutely free!



“Feis It” has a whole line of Feis accessories to meet every dancer’s needs to include their ever popular “Feis It Bag”, great for hauling all your “Feis It” supplies.



Like their motto says, “Don't go to a Feis without your Feis It!”

ZandB

Note: Feis It! is registered trademark of Feis It, Inc.

Help! My Daughter has Blue Hair!

Dear ZandB,

My daughter will be competing in Prizewinner for the first time at the West Virginia Feis and, up to now, I’ve been extremely supportive of her Irish Dance endeavors. I say, “up to now” because she just walked in the front door with her friends and all of them, including the girl I previously referred to as my daughter, had blue hair. Not an occasional strand or twisted lock or two, but the whole enchilada (or whatever fruit is metallic blue in color). She says that everything’s fine and she’ll just do the spike curl thing and dance with curly blue hair. If I recall, you’ve provided advice on this subject in the past. What should I do? Shave her head and place her in a convent? Make her take up cheerleading? Please help!

Distraught Feis Mom!

Dear Distraught Feis Mom;

First off, the enchilada is not a fruit. It’s a vegetable!

Myself, I really don’t think it will be as big a dilemma as you think. If you take the time to look at all the photos of the top dancers from all the major championships over the last couple of years, you’ll notice that a large percentage of them, in fact, I’m presently looking, lets see, errr, it seems that, …well, that’s …odd! Not one of them has blue hair! And now that I’ve reread your message without fixating on your enchilada faux pas, I’ll be the first to admit that the blue hair thing might be a problem.

Hey, check it out! There are plenty of Irish dancers with blue hair in dance.net! Ooops, no, that’s the Disco Dance Photo section, and it's not hair, but some sort of.... my God, what is that stuff anyway?

But, wait! All may not be lost! I’ll just get out the handy-dandy, all wise and knowing NAFC Feis Handbook (Revised October 2003) and see what the rules state….. Let’s see….….flash, video, digital, or motion picture cameras! …nope, not there….competition card with their registration number on the front….nope…limitations on use of iguanas, not there. Darn, I know its here somewhere, maybe under “bubble” heels on dancing shoes….no, that’s not, wait, wait!….there it is! Rule Six of the Dancing Competition Rules! “Authentic Gaelic Dress is desired”!

Well there you go! Authentic Gaelic Dress is Desired! Your daughter’s blue hair should be just fine, because if you remember that “authentic” Gaelic movie called “Braveheart” with Mel Gibson as an Irish Warrior King you’ll no doubt recall he had blue hair when he did his version of Henry V’s, Saint Crispin’s Day speech!

Wait a second… now that I think about it…Mel Gibson didn’t have blue hair, he had a blue face! And he was a Scottish Warrior, not Irish!

But you have to admit he really looked hot in a kilt!

Now where were we? Your daughter’s blue hair thingy. Well, while everyone else was “Googling” for pictures of Mel Gibson in a kilt, I asked my daughter’s T.C.R.G. if the blue hair would be a dilemma in a Feisical competition. She told me that it wouldn’t be a setback if the adjudicator owned a Seeing Eye dog named “Sparky”, otherwise, it could be problematic unless I could get her a date with Mel Gibson.

So it appears your options are somewhat limited. I wouldn’t shave your daughter’s hair off as it probably would not grow back in time for the Feis. Besides, we shaved our cat once and had to pay several hundred dollars to a cat-therapist because she became depressed when everyone teased her for looking like a Chihuahua, (the cat, not the cat-therapist).

So unless you have a good therapist, I would recommend either sending her to a convent or buying a wig.

Anything but cheerleading….