You’ve been taking your child to Irish dance classes and have heard the chattering of other “Feis Moms” (as they are called) and now want to join the club.
This is a basic primer of unique words and terms related to the art and science of “Feising”.
Duct Tape: The very essence of Irish Dance. Typically used to improve adhesion of dancer’s footgear on slippery stages. Also effective in quieting recalcitrant siblings at a Feis.
Fesh: An Irish Dance Competition. (Note: “Feis” is an acceptable alternative spelling in less refined regions)
Four Inches: A unit of measurement used by dressmakers to conform to skirt length requirements of dance dresses. Typically varies between four to twelve inches.
Growth Spurt: A rapid increase in the rate of growth during adolescence that occurs immediately after mailing out final payment for a new solo dress.
Irish Points: Scoring system used in championship competitions. Nobody knows exactly how it works and dancers generally accept the results without “quibbling” (the ultimate act of faith for Irish Dancers).
MAID: Mother Addicted to Irish Dance – A woman who voluntarily chooses to leave mainstream society renouncing all worldly pursuits in order to devote her life to contemplation of her daughter’s next solo dress.
Oireachtas: A large regional Irish Dance Competition which occurs the weekend before the arrival of your daughter’s new solo dress.
Podium: (< Latin: elevated place, balcony < Greek “pódion”: little foot) One small step for a man, one giant shrieking, sobbing, grinning, crying, happy leap for an Irish Dancer.
Sock Glue: Definitive proof of the absurdity of Irish Dance. A type of roll-on glue used to affix garments on a dancer. The use of sock glue became very popular in the late 1990’s following the ban on surgical fasteners and staple guns.
Solo Dress: A particularly ornate dance outfit worn by girls competing in upper competition levels. Purchasing a solo dress should not be attempted until you are at least a 3rd degree Feis Mom as the process requires advanced knowledge of financing, fabric care, international monetary rates, dressmaker negotiating skills, international customs law, airline carry-on baggage limitations, and odor removal techniques.
Spike Curls: “Wig in a bag” kit for do-it-yourselfers typically applied in a ratio of 25 spike curls per glass of wine.
Whilst In Motion: A designated competition period created by An Coimisiún le Rincí Gaelacha during which parents may take illegal photographs of their children.
(Note: This glossary is a “work in progress” and terms will be continually added)