Stage 3

Stage 3

Of pine and fir I was mauled
ripped in terror from my stand
falling
falling
barely landing from whence I was dragged
roughly to the screeching and ripping
my skin flayed back
lathed, sliced, and stretched
sinew bound against sinew
barely breathing

barely alive

transported here in chaos
braced, skewered, and patched hewn
a compliant plane
waiting

waiting

The young ones came first
halting
hesitant
touching lightly and fearful of the leviathan beneath
with guarded, shallow steps as children do
tolerated
while they, retreating to familiar arms, squeal
did you see?
Did You See Me!

Others come untethered
older now
in twos and threes
buoyed by and through unison floating
threaded and wheeling
laughing
some leaping yes falling
skinning egos and knees

Out beyond the edge of my skin
she alone a warning whispers

“I am here”

Others quickly are upon me
line on line with
tattooed steps
marching corner to corner
side to side
without nuance
without …

“I am here”,
her voice cajoles
and abruptly scampers cross my frame
catlike
taunting
twisting
leaping
ever just beyond my grasp
tormenting
and skittering away innocent
hidden amidst the rainfall
of awkward batters.

Some ancient thing within me wakes
with arched frame taut
and quivering

I wait

In heavies now my spine is traced
subtle hammers
affix my tone
my resonance rendered
music
dancer
thunder
alive in frenzy above me
we two together
fused
kinetic rapture

rippling

alive!

Sudden silence suffocating
the music ends

With drunken steps she staggers off
demon child with eyes erupt
in tears, gasping
“I must go”
amid steps diminishing into a final sound
the echoed recoil of a distant door
closing

Addicted to Feis

The Feis Season is in full swing and a delightful Feis Mom from North Carolina requested a re-post of the Feis National Anthem!

For the full effect, crank up the speakers and click here for some cheesy accompaniment.

Addicted to Feis

The lights are on, but you’re not home
You’re on the road to parts unknown
Your heels are in, your toes are out
Is this what life is all about?
You can’t sleep, you gotta dance
There might not be a second chance
Your arms are straight with Velcro sleeves
The treble jig is all you need!

Whoa, you often wonder how you got into this mess, oh yeah!
Got to get to prelims and that new Solo Dress
You know you’re gonna have to face it you’re addicted to Feis

Dance floor looks in sorry shape
But that’s quite alright, you brought duct tape
The music starts, you hardly breathe
Your heart beats at Oireachtas speed!
The judge just smiled at your slip jig
Or was she frowning at that triple wig?
You wear your Ghillies laced nice and tight
Too bad they’re playing a slow horn pipe!

Whoa, you often wonder how you got in this mess, oh yeah
Got to get to prelims and that new Solo Dress
You know you’re gonna have to face it you’re addicted to Feis

Might as well face it you’re addicted to Feis
Might as well face it you’re addicted to Feis
Might as well face it you’re addicted to Feis
Might as well face it you’re addicted to Feis

Might as well face it you’re addicted to Feis!

The lights are on, but you’re not home
You’re on the road to parts unknown
Your heels are in, your toes are out
Is this what life is all about?

Whoa, you often wonder how you got in this mess, oh yeah!
Got to get to prelims and that new Solo Dress
You know you’re gonna have to face it you’re addicted to Feis

Might as well face it you’re addicted to Feis
Might as well face it you’re addicted to Feis
Might as well face it you’re addicted to Feis
Might as well face it you’re addicted to Feis
Might as well face it you’re addicted to Feis
Might as well face it you’re addicted to Feis
Might as well face it you’re addicted to Feis
Might as well face it you’re addicted to Feis

Might as well face it you’re addicted to Feis!

Take this Feis and Shove it!

All of us have been to one Feis or another at which we swore, “I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never dance here again. No, nor any of my folk. As God is my witness, I'll never dance at this Feis again”.

Or words to that effect...

Now there’s a song to express your frustration.

For the full effect, crank up the speakers and click here for some cheesy accompaniment.

Take This Feis and Shove It!

Take this Feis and shove it
I ain’t dancing here no more
I’ve had it to here with slippery stages
And long waits for scores
The Syllabus said it starts at eight thirty
I didn’t dance till four
Take this Feis and shove it
I ain’t dancing here no more.

Parquet floors are great for weddings,
But not for the treble reel
Falling on my butt in slip jig
Somehow lost its fun appeal
Crowded hallways and nasty restrooms
And half-hour lines to go pee
Take a good look at my face
It’s the last you’ll see of me

Take this Feis and shove it
I ain’t dancing here no more
I’ve had it to here with slippery stages
And long waits for scores
The Syllabus said it starts at eight thirty
I didn’t dance till four
Take this Feis and shove it
I ain’t dancing here no more.

I’ve been Feising seven long years now
And seen all that could be seen
Seen some good and seen some bad and
A bunch that were in between
But I’ve never seen a group of people
Quite like your volunteers
They redefined a word like “nasty”
I won’t be back next year

Take this Feis and shove it
I ain’t dancing here no more
I’ve had it to here with slippery stages
And long waits for scores
The Syllabus said it starts at eight thirty
I didn’t dance till four
Take this Feis and shove it
I ain’t dancing here no more.

Take this Feis and shove it
I ain’t dancing here no more
I’ve had it to here with slippery stages
And long waits for scores
The Syllabus said it starts at eight thirty
I didn’t dance till four
Take this Feis and shove it
I ain’t dancing here no more.

Take this Feis and shove it
I ain’t dancing here no more.


Note: These lyrics are not related to any known Feis living or dead. Any resemblance to a specific Feis is purely coincidental.

The Future of Irish Dance is in Good Hands

The Putcher Dance

An Coimisiún: An Coimisiún le Rincí Gaelacha, may we help you?

Beauregard: Yes sir you may, I have a question about your figure dance book!

An Coimisiún: Are you reffering to Ár Rinncidhe Fóirne?

Beauregard: Yes thats the one, with the Thirty Popular Figure Dances.

An Coimisiún: Yes sir, how may we help you?

Beauregard: I just can’t seem to find the instructions for the “Putcher Dance”.

An Coimisiún: I’m sorry sir, did you say, “Putcher Dance”?

Beauregard: Yes the “Putcher Dance”! It’s the most popular figure dance in these parts!

An Coimisiún: I’m not aware of any figure dance called the “Putcher Dance”. It might be listed under a different name. Can you describe it?

Beauregard: Sure, the steps are really easy, and goes like this:

You putcher right foot in,
You putcher right foot out;
You putcher right foot in,
And you shake it all about…

An Coimisiún: "CLICK"